All items of clothing were not created equal. If your wardrobe contains any of the below, hang thy head in shame.

Hugo Boss Polo shirts

Just because Heinz make the best tomato ketchup, it doesn’t mean they make the best mustard. And so it is with Hugo Boss. Their suits are amazing. Their polos, on the other hand, are just an afterthought. It’s the classic ‘shove a big logo on there and it will sell’ mentality. Polo shirts should have an understated elegance.

Crocs

‘They’re comfortable!’, I hear you cry. Yes, so is sitting around in boxer shorts on the sofa, eating pringles, as bits of chocolate slowly melt on your disgusting, exposed chest… But that isn’t acceptable in public either. Scarily, that is more acceptable than wearing Crocs.

Anything by Superdry

That logo and the Great Wall of China are the only man-made structures you can see from space. Are you actually sponsored by Superdry? People should have to ask ‘what make is that?’, not have the information shoved into their faces.

Cargo pants

It’s like the guy in charge of the pocket section on the factory production line went for a toilet break, and when he came back the machine had gone mental. Two on the front, one on the back. That’s all you need.

Fedora

No, you don’t look like Indiana Jones or Clark Gable. You actually look like this guy.

Pleather jackets

 

It’s got to be the real thing, my friend. You’re not in a 90s boyband anymore.